It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
