KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
