I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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