Im at strip club and am horny
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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