the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
