So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
