peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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