Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
