i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
