Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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