no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
