After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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