I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
