Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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