If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
