So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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