You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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