Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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