i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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