Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
