dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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