So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
