Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
