sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
