You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
