Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
