her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
