Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
