Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
