Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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