I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
