It's Friday. Sex?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
