just come out here and I will go home with you...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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