God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
