Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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