at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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