Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
