you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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