I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
