My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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