did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
