i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
