Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
