mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
