I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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