Me too!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
