I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
