And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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