Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
