your room smells of hookers.
And success
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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