do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
