The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
