We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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